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steve karas’ “Top Ten Things I Learned About Participating in Literary Readings”
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1. Don’t fall in love with yourself Congratulations, you’ve been invited to participate in a public reading. More often than not, if you’re lucky, there will be a dozen people in the room to watch you. It’s likely that will include your mom and dad, girlfriend or boyfriend, and your one good friend who’s been at all your birthday parties since you were five years old and held your ponytail back when you were vomiting after your twenty-first. The rest? Probably another reader’s students who are only there because they’ve been promised extra credit. Nobody wants to hear you ramble for twenty-plus minutes. Nobody likes a show-off. So do your thing—nail it—and then be gracious and move over for the next person. 2. Leave the kids at home You’re excited, I know. You want to share the moment with your family. You’re in your thirties, maybe thirty-eight exactly. The only other shot at greatness you may get from this point on is winning your neighborhood fantasy football league. But writers are strange, unpredictable creatures. They’re hippos lurking in a sub-Saharan lake. You can’t foresee what someone is going to decide to read about (perhaps that unpublished sex romp he’s been waiting to finally unveil to the world). So unless you want your tot asking you what a “speedball” or “threesome” is, don’t bring your kids. 3. Don’t drink too much booze If you’re new to this like me, doing public readings hearkens you back to those days in Oral Communications when you were worried everyone was staring at the giant zit that had formed on the tip of your nose the night before. Back then, no one gave you permission to throw back a couple cocktails beforehand. Now you’ve got the all clear. Don’t get carried away though. You’re at a literary event, not a frat party. 4. Make sure you drink enough booze The last thing you want is a buzz wearing off mid-read, amiright? 5. Don’t read immediately after the best reader in the lineup You know that reader. The one who’s lively and captivating. The one who people probably came to see and, if not, will certainly remember long afterward. The storyteller. You may not be that person. Not yet. Strive to be. But in the meantime, let someone else follow up the superstar. Hide out in the bathroom. Pretend you have an important phone call to take. Feign injury. 6. Don’t read from your phone I get it. It’s hip. It’s very I’m cool, I’m not trippin’ on this reading, I’m so not trippin’ on it that I just totally forgot to print out my story on paper. Or maybe it’s more I don’t want to kill trees, the environment is more important to me than this reading, that’s how cool I am. Whatever. Look, batteries die. Phones get dropped. Internet fails. Plus, it just looks weird when you’re reading from your phone. 7. Get to the venue early, but not too early It’s better than being late but, still, there’s nothing creepier than a guy slinking through a bookstore’s stacks for two hours, combing through dusty hardcovers without intending to buy any. 8. Practice, man As former NBA-great Allen Iverson famously said after skipping practice, “We’re talking about practice, man. We’re not even talking about the game, the actual game, when it matters. We’re talking about practice.” Most of us ain’t as gifted as Allen Iverson. Read in front of the bathroom mirror, read to your cats, read until it becomes automatic like A.I.’s ankle-breaking crossover. Respect your fellow readers. Respect the people who come out to see you. Respect your damn self. 9. Watch what you eat If a few of your fellow readers want to grab a bite before the big gig, take a pass on the spinach dip. Pass on the corn on the cob and the BBQ ribs. Pass on the caramelized onion & garlic dip. Nobody wants to stare at spinach strips between your teeth or smell your gnarly breath if you’re fortunate enough to be signing books later on. “Who should I sign this to?” should not lead to someone throwing up a little in her mouth. 10. Be grateful and have fun For me, readings were a great way to connect with other writers and readers in 2014. As a reader, you never know if the opportunity will arise again in the New Year. Savor it.
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Steve Karas lives in Chicago, where there are many great writers, Steve very much among them. If you don’t know his killer work, write his name down and read his stories. Then, come back here when he’s all famous and stuff so we can look really smart. We like when that happens. ••• « BACK TO THE TOP TENS http://steve-karas.com/contact/2014TopTens.htmlshapeimage_21_link_0shapeimage_21_link_1
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